I studied like mad and i tried so hard, all the sacrifices i made was pure torture to me. I have always been consistent in my work, and i scored top in the cohort for consecutively three years. Yet somehow, for some reason... i didn't do well enough for my O levels.

Sure, most of my friends said i've done better than them, and the fact that i am able to enter at least five colleges in Singapore with my results is better than not being able to enter a single college at all. I managed to save so much of my parents' money to pay for my education fees in college, since i wouldn't have to go Malaysia or any other country to take the A levels. 

However, i was still disappointed in myself. I know my IQ is average and i know i have worked extra hard for my exams, yet somehow life decided to surprise me. I cried when my teachers comforted me and i felt the sympathy they had for me. I'm glad that i did well for certain subjects, subjects that i have put extra effort in to score that A, like staying back in school on Saturdays to consult Ms Chee, or writing extra essays for Ms Eng to correct. I was extremely glad that my hard work paid off for those subjects.

As for the other subjects, i got big fat B's. Even the A's i scored in the Math and Science subjects for the past four years failed to show up on my O level result slip. How pathetic. All of us are really victims of the stupid bell curve. If you don't know what a bell curve is, click here to read about it. 

Overall, my cohort performed worse than the previous one. The top student this year, Dawn, who scored an L1R5 of 12 points, did not manage to beat the aggregate (9 points) of the top student last year. I'm extremely proud of Dawn though, i remember how stressed she felt when she saw my results in Prelim 1 and 2. Haha how cute. In the end she managed to beat my score! I'm really proud of her. :')

For the L1R5 system, the lower points you score, the better. 

My target was to score less than 10 points, but to no avail. :(

I had a long talk with my mom yesterday, (i still have yet to talk to my dad because i was too ashamed so i went to sleep before he came home) and she told me that she and my dad worried so much that i couldn't go into a local college in Singapore. I was actually shocked to hear that hahahaahah, then i remembered my first goal when i was in Secondary 1. I wanted to go into the express stream to take O levels and to enter a junior college in Singapore. Hahahahaah i wonder what made me change my goal.

A lot of my other friends said my score was good, considering the fact that i didn't complete my primary education and i jumped from the Normal Academics stream to the Express stream... I can't say i disagree with them. :)

I'm a religious person, and after much thinking last night, i really do believe this was all part of God's plan.

There goes another chapter of my life. I guess all i can do now is focus on the A levels, work hard and do my best to enter a local university! (given the standards here, i doubt i can but i'll never know until i try)

I'm actually excited to start college! New friends and new teachers, i can't wait to see what God has in plan for me! :)

xox Steph